Self-assessment – a first orientation around relationships, wellbeing and therapy

Sometimes it is clear that something needs attention long before it is clear what to call it. The same conflicts may keep returning in a relationship. Worry may be taking up more space.

Energy has changed, closeness feels different, or you may be wondering whether what you are experiencing is a temporary strain or something that would benefit from professional support.

The short self-assessments on this page are intended for exactly that situation. They offer a first structure for reflection and can help you notice which areas seem most significant at the moment.

They are not diagnostic tests. A set of answers on a website cannot determine who you are, establish a psychiatric diagnosis or replace a professional assessment.

The purpose is orientation: to make it easier to understand what you are experiencing and what a useful next step might be.

You can use the page individually or together with a partner. Each section leads to more detailed information on the website and, if you wish, to the option of making contact for a more personal discussion.

The website offers three interactive self-assessments : for individual therapy, for couples, and on sexuality and intimacy. The sections below explain what each one covers.

Each section contains a manageable number of questions or statements. Answer according to how things have actually felt in recent weeks or months rather than according to how you think they should be.

The feedback you receive after answering is descriptive and nuanced.

It may indicate, for example, that several answers point towards relationship strain, recurring anxiety or reduced access to desire and intimacy – without turning those patterns into a diagnosis.

The most useful outcome is often a clearer next question. Does the relationship need more attention? Has worry begun to restrict everyday life?

Has low mood persisted long enough to warrant closer professional assessment? Is a sexual concern primarily connected with desire, communication, the body, the relationship, or several of these at once?

A relationship can feel secure in some areas and strained in others.

For that reason, this orientation does not classify a relationship as good or bad. It helps both partners notice which patterns currently carry the most weight.

Questions can explore connection, communication, recurring conflict, the ability to repair after an argument, trust, feeling understood, closeness, sexuality, everyday pressures and the ability to express needs.

It can be useful for both partners to answer separately first and then compare what they noticed.

Differences in answers are not necessarily a problem. They may show that two people experience the same relationship from different positions.

When the central issue lies in the interaction between partners, the feedback leads towards couples therapy. When sexuality or intimacy is the clearest concern, it also links to sexual therapy.

• Can we talk about difficult subjects without the conversation quickly becoming stuck?
• Do I generally feel heard and taken seriously by my partner?
• Does the same conflict return even when we both try to resolve it?
• Can we find our way back to connection after an argument or a period of distance?
• Can I express needs and boundaries in the relationship?
• Is there tenderness, curiosity or another form of closeness between us?
• Has sexuality or physical intimacy become associated with pressure, distance or silence?
• Is there an important subject we have been avoiding for a long time?

Worry is part of the human capacity to anticipate risk and prepare for what may happen.

It can, however, become so frequent or intense that it begins to shape decisions, sleep, concentration, relationships or freedom in everyday life.

This self-assessment helps you notice how much anxiety affects your life, without attempting a diagnosis.

Questions may concern physical tension, recurring catastrophic thoughts, avoidance, a need for control, fear in social situations or situations that have become increasingly difficult to approach.

Different forms of fear and anxiety can look very different. For a first orientation, it is more useful to notice how life is being affected than to attach a quick label to the experience.

• Has worry been difficult to let go of even when I try to focus on something else?
• Do I avoid situations because I am afraid of how I may feel or react?
• Does my body often feel tense, vigilant or difficult to settle?
• Do preparation, checking, control or rumination take up a great deal of time?
• Has my everyday freedom become smaller because of fear or worry?
• Do I often need reassurance from other people before I can feel calmer?

Periods of sadness, tiredness or reduced energy are part of life. A useful first orientation therefore needs to consider both how long a change has lasted and how much everyday functioning has shifted.

Questions may explore energy, interest, pleasure, initiative, concentration, sleep, social contact and the way the future feels.

They help you notice whether several areas of life have changed at the same time and whether a professional assessment may be appropriate.

This section is deliberately not a depression test. Depression is a clinical diagnosis that requires substantially more information than a short web-based self-assessment can provide.

• Have things that usually interest or engage me felt noticeably less meaningful?
• Has my energy or ability to initiate things changed over a longer period?
• Have I withdrawn from people or activities that are normally important to me?
• Have sleep, concentration or everyday routines changed for a sustained period?
• Is it harder than usual to imagine that my situation can change?

Sexuality is an area in which people can quickly begin to judge themselves. This orientation invites you instead to become curious about the context of what you are experiencing.

Questions may concern desire, differences in desire between partners, bodily presence, safety, initiation, boundaries, communication, pain or discomfort, identity and the ways in which the wider relationship influences sexuality.

The feedback does not label any sexual experience as normal or abnormal. Its purpose is to distinguish between different possible themes and lead to the more detailed sexual therapy page where relevant.

• Has my sexual desire changed in a way that raises questions for me?
• Can I notice what I myself want in an intimate situation?
• Can I express yes, no or maybe without strong concern about the other person's reaction?
• Has physical closeness become associated with expectations or pressure?
• Do my partner and I find it difficult to talk openly about sexuality?
• Are there physical symptoms, pain or medical questions that may also need professional assessment?
• Are there questions concerning sexual orientation, gender, identity or belonging that I would like to explore in a professional setting?

It is not always obvious whether individual psychotherapy, couples therapy or sexual therapy is the most appropriate first step. Some concerns sit at the intersection of several areas.

If the main strain lies in the interaction between partners – for example conflict, communication, trust or recurring relational patterns – couples therapy may be the clearest starting point.

If the focus is primarily your own life situation, recurring emotional patterns, anxiety, low mood, self-understanding or a wish for deeper reflection, individual psychotherapy may be more relevant.

If sexuality, desire, intimacy, body experience, sexual boundaries or sexual communication are central, sexual therapy may provide the most direct starting point. The focus can also develop over the course of therapy.

The website also offers separate questionnaires for preparing for therapy. These serve a different purpose from the public self-assessments on this page.

A self-assessment is open and exploratory. It can be used before you have decided whether to contact a therapist at all.

An intake or introductory questionnaire, by contrast, is used in preparation for an actual therapeutic contact and may include questions about background, current circumstances and what you would like help with.

The order is simple: first an optional orientation, then – once a first session is arranged – structured preparation.

A self-assessment can help organise thoughts, but it cannot replace a conversation in which duration, intensity, life circumstances, relationships, physical factors and personal history can be considered together.

If your emotional wellbeing has deteriorated significantly, everyday functioning is seriously affected, or symptoms may have a medical cause, professional assessment is important.

In an acute situation, or if there is an immediate risk of harm to yourself or another person, use the appropriate emergency medical or psychiatric services where you are located.

In Sweden, call 112 in an emergency or 1177 for round-the-clock healthcare advice. If you are elsewhere, please use the local emergency number.

The self-assessments on this website are therefore always a first orientation. They replace neither diagnosis nor emergency care.

If a self-assessment helps you see a pattern more clearly, the next step may simply be to read more about that area on the website. You can also bring your reflections into a first therapeutic conversation.

You do not need to know exactly which form of therapy is right before making contact.

Part of a first session can be to understand together what is most central and which form of work appears most relevant.

I work in English, Swedish and German – at my practice in Stockholm and, where appropriate, online. Current fees and the contact form are at the bottom of every page.